Five Simple Steps To Becoming The Plankiest Planker That Has Ever Planked Before

Photo By: mathiaspascottini

Update: Please do yourself a favor and watch Paul Mooney Jr’s explanation of planking. But please head the warning, you may piss your pants due to the extreme amount of hilarity.

Today, I nearly choked on my cinnamon-flavored oatmeal. Like the victim on the receiving end of an atomic wedgie, I let off a schoolgirl shriek after discovering the new craze that magically wafted its way to the United States. Just when I thought we couldn’t get any dumber (said like Harry from, you guessed it, Dumb and Dumber) we embraced “planking,” the new red-headed stepchild of activities.

Yes, I’ll admit I took part in a fair share of mindless fashion trends and activities. Yes, I was a former member of the,”I just crapped my pants committee,” waddling about in sagging jeans big enough to make even Hammer say “Oh my lawd!” And, yes, I’ll acknowledge that I was a fan of taking freeze-frame photos like the ones you’d see at the end of cheesy 70’s shows…well…actually, I still love being in freeze-frame pictures. But aside from that, this new craze had me scratching my noggin.

According to CBS News, planking– also known as the lying down game–is the seemingly harmless trend of lying face down, perfectly stiff, on various structures in public. Though planking apparently originated  over a decade ago in Australia, it has, in fact, gained more attention after the death of an Australian man planking on his roof.

Like any trend, a few celebrities joined in on the lay-face-down-on-random-shit-in-public act. Recently, Chris Brown and Justin Bieber got their planking thang thang on by taking part in the craze through photos via Twitter. Yes, they went there.

So you still want to be an awesome possum and plank huh? Well, you came to the right place because you too can hang with the big dogs and plank like a champ with these five simple steps:

Step 1: Get a friend with a snazzy camera to tag along with you.

Step 2: Find a spot (the odder, the better) to document your plankery.

Step 3: After finding a cool place, lie there lifelessly like a timid girlfriend getting it on for the first time. And make sure you do it face down with your arms to your sides (you wouldn’t want your planking credibility getting revoked).

Step 4: Get your best buddy to snap off a few photos of you in action…er…inaction.

Step 5: Post away on Facebook. (tip: if you want to be even more annoying, tag all of your friends, forcing them to witness the random act of tomfoolery you took part in.)

Hooray! Now get out there, make something of yourself, and plank like you’ve never planked before!

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